Preparing to Listen
The Twenty-Third Sunday of Ordinary Time 2020
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September 6, 2020
Jeremiah 20:7-9; Psalm 63; Romans 12:1-2; Matthew 16:21-27
Forgiveness is one of the most difficult aspects of human relationships and is a central tenet of the Christian faith. Jesus asks us to go the distance is forgiving others and to restore right relationships. While the act of forgiveness is intended to bring people together in harmony, too often people feel bad because they cannot bring themselves to forgive. So, I’ll start out by saying, “Be gentle with yourself. This is a long process.”
Forgiveness is much different from reconciliation, and forgiveness leads to full restoration of the relationship. In this passage, Jesus is urging the people of faith to reconcile, and to do that through listening. If listening doesn’t work, bring along others who will help the person achieve a different perspective, and if he is still obstinate, then we have the courts and the community morals to guide our future actions.
The root of the problem is that we are not equipped to listen well. When we are in a bind, we lose our capacity to listen, and we certainly cannot make another person listen when we are tense. We want to tell the truth, provide our perspective and circumstances, explain our intent, and when we do those things, we are not listening. The challenge Jesus offers us is to get the other person to listen. That requires emotional intelligence and enormous social skill, which may of us lack, but is that goal for which we yearn.
When it comes time to tell the truth to someone, we have to find a skillful and loving way to say it, but we always have to respect the truth. Sometimes people tell the truth in a violent or attacking way and this only causes great harm. Telling the truth means that we cannot put the person in a way that they feel threatened, so they can listen. We speak the truth in a protective way, and it is important to realize that you don’t own the truth. The overall goal is to build a lasting relationship based on trust.
We cannot wait for another person to change, but it is better for us to change. We first have to disentangle ourselves from our sources of unhappiness and return to a place of calm so we can handle the situation well. Once we are calm, we can invite the other person to speak. The person, whether she is right or wrong, needs to speak out everything in order to feel listened and understood. While the other person is speaking, we need to breathe mindfully knowing that later on we can undo any misunderstandings. With each assurance of meaningful listening, mutual understanding will grow.
Sometimes a negative environment doesn’t provide us with room for communication with ourselves, and if we can’t understand how we feel, we will not understand the other person. We have to feel safe and not vulnerable, and we have to make the other person feel the same way. Most healthy people do not try to intentionally hurt each other; nor do they want bad neighbors or poor relationships. Even if the relationship is bad, the relationship still exists and the suffering continues.
In order to reconcile, we have to focus on trying to understand one another by using honest, skillful speech and emotional intelligence. No matter the outcome, the goal is a reconciled relationship. It is possible and we have to perfect our ability to relate better. It is what Christ asks of us. This love is not easy, but as we get experience in relating well, we see how central Christ is during this mystery of reconciliation.
Scripture for Daily Mass
First Reading:
Monday: (1 Corinthians 5) It is widely reported that there is immorality among you, and immorality of a kind not found even among pagans–when you have gathered together and I am with you in spirit with the power of the Lord Jesus, you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.
Tuesday: (Micah 5) You, Bethlehem-Ephrathah, too small to be among the clans of Judah, From you shall come forth for me one who is to be ruler in Israel; Whose origin is from of old, from ancient times.
Wednesday: (1 Corinthians 7) I tell you the time is running out. From now on, let those having wives act as not having them, those weeping as not weeping, those rejoicing as not rejoicing, those buying as not owning, those using the world as not using it fully. For the world in its present form is passing away.
Thursday: (1 Corinthians 8) But not all have this knowledge. There are some who have been so used to idolatry up until now that, when they eat meat sacrificed to idols,
their conscience, which is weak, is defiled.
Friday (1 Corinthians 9) Although I am free in regard to all, I have made myself a slave to all so as to win over as many as possible. I have become all things to all, to save at least some. All this I do for the sake of the Gospel, so that I too may have a share in it.
Saturday (1 Corinthians 10) You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and also the cup of demons. You cannot partake of the table of the Lord and of the table of demons.
Gospel:
Monday: (Luke 6) The scribes and the Pharisees watched him closely to see if he would cure on the sabbath so that they might discover a reason to accuse him. But he realized their intentions and said to the man with the withered hand, “Come up and stand before us.”
Tuesday: (Matthew 1) Eleazar became the father of Matthan, Matthan the father of Jacob, Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary. Of her was born Jesus who is called the Christ.
Wednesday (Luke 6) But woe to you who are filled now, for you will be hungry.
Woe to you who laugh now, for you will grieve and weep. Woe to you when all speak well of you, for their ancestors treated the false prophets in this way.
Thursday (Luke 6) To you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
Friday (Luke 6) Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me remove that splinter in your eye,’ when you do not even notice the wooden beam in your own eye?
Saturday (Luke 6) A good person out of the store of goodness in his heart produces good, but an evil person out of a store of evil produces evil; for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks.
Saints of the Week
September 7: Stephen Pongracz (priest), Melchior Grodziecki (priest), and Mark Krizevcanin (canon) of the Society of Jesus were martyred in 1619 when they would not deny their faith in Slovakia. They were chaplains to Hungarian Catholic troops, which raised the ire of Calvinists who opposed the Emperor. They were brutally murdered through a lengthy process that most Calvinists and Protestants opposed.
September 8: The Birth of Mary was originally (like all good feasts) celebrated first in the Eastern Church. The Roman church began its devotion in the fifth century. Her birth celebrates her role as the mother of Jesus. Some traditions have her born in Nazareth while others say she hails from outside of Jerusalem.
September 9: Peter Claver, S.J. (1580-1654) became a Jesuit in 1600 and was sent to the mission in Cartegena, Colombia, a center of slave trade. For forty years, Claver ministered to the newly arrived Africans by giving them food, water, and medical care. Unfortunately, he died ostracized by his Jesuit community because he insisted on continuing the unpopular act of treating the slaves humanely.
September 10: Francis Garate, S.J. (1857-1929) was a Basque who entered the Jesuits and became a doorkeeper at the University of Deusto in Bilbao. He modeled his ministry after Alphonsus Rodriguez and became known for his innate goodness, humility, and prayerfulness.
September 12: The Name of Mary was given to the child in the octave that follow her birth on September 8th. Mary (Miriam) was a popular name for a girl because it means "beloved."
This Week in Jesuit History
· Sep 6, 1666. The Great Fire of London broke out on this date. There is not much the Jesuits have not been blamed for, and this was no exception. It was said to be the work of Papists and Jesuits. King Charles II banished all the fathers from England.
· Sep 7, 1773. King Louis XV wrote to Clement XIV, expressing his heartfelt joy at the suppression of the Society.
· Sep 8, 1600. Fr. Matteo Ricci set out on his journey to Peking (Beijing). He experienced enormous difficulties in reaching the royal city, being stopped on his way by one of the powerful mandarins.
· Sep 9, 1773. At Lisbon, Carvalho, acting in the king's name, ordered public prayers for the deliverance of the world from the "pestilence of Jesuitism."
· Sep 10, 1622. The martyrdom at Nagaski, Japan, of Charles Spinola and his companions.
· Sep 11, 1681. At Antwerp, the death of Fr. Geoffry Henschen (Henschenius). A man of extraordinary learning, he was Fr. Jan von Bolland's assistant in compiling the Acts of the Saints.
· Sep 12, 1744. Benedict XIV's second Bull, Omnium Sollicitudinum, forbade the Chinese Rites. Persecution followed in China.
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