Closing Liturgy for the 30-day retreat

           Matthew's Gospel tells us of the events in the public ministry of Jesus. All month long we've heard Jesus telling us what the kingdom of heaven is like. In the last few days, when we've understood it all, we hear reports that John the Baptist was unjustly killed. Jesus takes time to grieve, yet he encounters the crowds who need healing and are still following him because of the words of life he spoke to them. In his deep grief and compassion, he is moved to heal them and to feed them. And when the crowds were dismissed, Jesus went up the mountain by himself to pray.

          It seems like we are living the events of the life of Jesus. We spent this past month learning about the kingdom of God. We needed healing and forgiveness and we were fed by the words of Jesus continuously. We have grieved, acted out of compassion, and needed time by ourselves to pray. We now find ourselves like the disciples, especially Peter, who are called to greater trust and faith in Jesus as we enter into a storm of reintegration. Like them, we have our fears. We will help ourselves by continuing to look deeply into this experience and into the eyes of Jesus who will continue to be there to say, "Take courage. it is I. Do not be afraid." Then he beckons, as he stretches forth his hand, "Come."

          I'll take this time to suggest practical ways for you to hold steady as you head back home and into your community:

          1. Know that you will experience grief, sorrow, and maybe depression when you leave here. Interacting with others may leave you feeling let down and misunderstood. You have spent a month in very meaningful conversation and you will find yourself lonely for that same quality of conversation. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time. Go find time to pray and be with the one who takes away your fears and gives you meaning.

          2. We joked about this the other day, but when you return, tell your friends, spouse, colleagues, or community members that you missed them. You will mean it for some, but for the others say it to them as well. Be convincing. They want to know from you if they still matter to you. They know you have been with God for an extended time and they will know you have changed. Have you changed so much that you don't have space for them - with all their chaos and dysfunction? You are meaningful to them, even to the one who persists in driving you crazy or controlling you through aberrant behaviors. The unlovable part of them is begging to be loved. Give it to them, please. You are representing God's love of them - through you.

          3. Let others ask you how your retreat has gone. Wait for them to ask. When they do, set aside some time to talk about it. You need an opportunity to be heard. When others ask you about it, avoid romanticizing the retreat. You will know it does not feel right to overstate what happened to you.

          4. Go watch Harry Potter. In other words, continue to go to the movies, to museums, or musical performances. These media speak powerfully in ways to raise your mind and spirits. Do anything that feeds your heart and emotions. Read poetry and do spiritual reading. Take care of those aspects of your whole self that society does not emphasize. Read a favorite book from your youth, build sandcastles, dance in your house, or blow bubbles. Just enjoy the little things of life. Just act in freedom.

                Live according to this poem by Mary Oliver "When Death Comes." She writes:

“When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”

          5. Consider if it is time to get a new spiritual director or to tell your current director that you want to take a different turn. Interview several directors. They expect you to do that. You want to find someone whose style will mesh with yours. You have a choice so act in freedom.

          6. Consider counseling or psychotherapy. You may have encountered fears or attachments that are not conducive to your movement to being a free person in Christ. Know that people want to help you. You want to be healthy and happy. Only the healthy go to therapy. Therapy works well when it is your choice or you have something to freely bring to it.

          7. Pray daily. You will not sustain the pace of these exercises, but perhaps you have found a style of praying that works well for you. Use a favorite portion of these prayers in your regular prayer custom. A colloquy, awareness examine, a beholding prayer, a favorite scripture passage will keep you rooted in the graces you received.

          8. Honor yourself. Give yourself time to play as well as pray. Find ways of loving yourself. Continue your practice of beholding God as God beholds you. Prayer may have had an element of work here. It can be enjoyable too. Ease up on your demands upon yourself. Be gentle and loving to yourself - especially to those tender, wounded areas that need great care. By loving ourselves, we will keep our eyes upon Christ who wants to bring us the fullness of life.

          9. Embrace your unanswered questions. Live in that liminal space of not knowing every facet or detail before you make choices. Let your heart form and inform your free will. Trust your feelings and desires. And, as my retreatants know from experience, if you have a question, ask Jesus how he feels. Ask him any question that concerns you. He will be laboring for you each step of the journey. It is an exciting journey.

         10. Your retreat is just beginning. Sure this part has come to an end, but your retreat will continue to unfold and be unpacked during the next days, weeks, months, years, even decades. You will find yourself like the disciples headed towards Emmaus. Jesus will be there every step of the way to illumine your mind, inspire your reflection, and causing your heart to burn with desire.

I want to close with a favorite quote. It is from Karl Rahner, a German Jesuit, who was a great Systematician. Each time I read it I am inspired and I want to answer the call of the Eternal King. I hope it reaches you as well.

Let us step forth on the adventurous journey to the heart of God! Let us run! Let us forget what lies behind us. The whole future lies open to us. Every possibility of life is still open, because we can still find God, still find more. Nothingness is over and done with for the person who runs to meet God, the God whose smallest reality is greater than our boldest illusion, the God who is eternal youth and in whose country there dwells no resignation, no despair. Why shouldn’t we believe and go on this journey? Why shouldn’t we look to the light of Christ in the firmament of our hearts? Why not follow the Light?

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam