Poem: “Down Vith Children” by Roald Dahl

For a little Halloween Fun:

Down vith children! Do them in!
Boil their bones and fry their skin!
Bish them, sqvish them, bash them, mash them!
Brrreak them, shake them, slash them, smash them!

Offer chocs vith magic powder!
Say, “Eat up!” then say it louder,
Crrram them full of sticky eats,
Send them home still guzzling sveets.

And in the morning little fools
Go marching off to separate schools.
A girl feels sick and goes all pale,
She yells, “Hey look! I’ve grrrown tall!”

A boy who’s standing next to her
Screams, “Help! I think I’m grrrowing fur!”
Another shouts, “Vee look like frrreaks!
There’s viskers growing on our cheeks!”

A boy who vos extremely tall
Cries out “Vot’s wrong? I’m grrrowing small!”
Four tiny legs begin to sprrrout
From everybody rrround about.

And all at vunce, all in a trrrice,
There are no children! Only MICE!
In every school is mice galore
All rrrunning rrround the school-rrroom floor!

And all the poor demented teachers
Is yelling, “Hey who are these crrreatures?”
They stand upon the desks and shout,
“Get out, you filthy mice! Get out!”

Vill someone fetch some mouse-trrraps, please!
And don’t forrrget to brrring the cheese!”
Now mouse-trrraps come and every trrrapp
Goes snippy-snip and snappy-snap,

The mouse-trrraps have a powerful spring,
The springs go crack and snap and ping!
Is lovely noise for us to hear!
Is music to a vitch’s ear!

Dead mice in every place arrround,
Piled two feet deep upon the grrround,
Vith teachers searching left and rrright,
But not a single child in sight!

The teachers cry, “Vot’s going on?
Oh, vhere have all the children gone?
It’s half-past nine and as a rrrule
They’re never late as this for school!”

Poor teachers don’t know vot to do.
Some sit and rrread, and just a few
Amuse themselves throughout the day
By sveeping all the mice away.

AND ALL US VITCHES SHOUT “HOORAY!”