Holiday Dinner Planning

This is a summary of this morning's meetings about how to prepare for the holidays.

At this morning's meetings, we discussed how the Thanksgiving meals went for everyone. While they were certainly happy occasions, there were moments of stress for the households. There is much to discuss about how to have polite and meaningful conversations, but today we focused on how we might need to prepare guests to our houses for timing and food gifts. Proper boundaries help others know your rules and expectations.

These are notes from our meeting today and they are inarticulately expressed.

When you are inviting people over to your homes, even if they are family, remind them that it is your house, your rules, and your schedule. You don't want to be very rigid in laying down the law, but you do want to communicate your expectations. After all, you are the ones who are preparing, cooking, planning, organizing, and you are not getting any rest. You will want to find a way to politely say that so they can honor your request.

In some ways, planning for a large meal is like being an event manager. Rather than leaving everything by chance and goodwill, organize and manage the outcomes directly. It will help your guests if they know the rules.

Timing

It is quite appropriate to ask people to come for appetizers by a certain time. If they are the ones to bring appetizers, make certain they can arrive before the other guests do. For instance, you do not want your brother, who always brings appetizers, to show up at 3:00 p.m. when the other guests are arriving at 1:00 p.m. The unintended consequence is that people will eat his appetizers and will then not have room for the served meal. This makes the cooks, who spent a lot of time preparing the meal, feel annoyed or "fill in the blanks."

It is helpful to set a schedule for the day and to communicate it. Find out when people can arrive and adjust what they can bring according to their visit times. For instance, you might want to tell people to come at 1:00 p.m. and that appetizers will be served at 1:30 p.m., there'll be time for watching a game, and then dinner will be served at 4:00 p.m.

Also, please note that desserts and coffee will be served at 5:00 p.m. with departures at 6:00 p.m. Of course, you want to keep this fluid, but if you give people a clue about what to expect, they know when it is time to leave. You can even pace the meal so that everyone's contributions will respected.


Meal Planning

Plan your meal a month in advance. Start planning your Thanksgiving meal by November 1st and the Christmas meal by December 1st. Assign people parts of the meal that can be helpful to you. Guide them into the ways that they can be helpful to you. After all, you are making the main portion of the dinner.

If you are cooking the turkey, let people know you will make stuffing and gravy.

Ask others to make the mashed potatoes, the squash, a cranberry plate, broccoli or brussel sprouts, green bean casserole. Their contribution does not have to be sexy; it just has to contribute to your having an easier day. Your guests want to make you happy. Ask them to contribute what you need from them. They can still add their culinary expertise to their dish. You do not have to do it all.

Your guests won't have to guess what you might want. They might not have to spend time thinking about what to get you if you simply tell them what to bring and at what time. You want to avoid have four people bring cakes when you have made three pies. You don't want two cheese platters when one will suffice. It takes some organization.

Remember that food is a gift, and gift-giving is tricky. There are always invisible strings attached.

It may feel awkward or corporate to assign parts of the meal to others, but it will become easier with practice. It helps them to know the boundaries, and good boundaries make for happy gatherings. Just think if your only cooking job was turkey, stuffing, and gravy. That means you too can spend time with family and friends or to watch the game.

Make sure you have food that is gluten-free, for diabetics, for people with allergies so that everyone can join in on the feast.

After-dinner activities

If there are particular traditions and customs you want to uphold, let your guests know about when they will be done. Gift-giving will be done at this time; caroling will precede it; eggnog and hot chocolate will be served at another time; games will be played at a particular time. We will attend mass at a particular time.

Departure

Let people know when they are expected to leave. You are tired, perhaps. Let them know you need rest. You also have to clean up, put food away, and say goodnight to the guests.

Depending upon what you want. Let people know a month in advance that they need to bring containers to take food home. It might seem generous to them that they leave their cake with you, but when you have four cakes and three pies in the house, you are going to throw much of it away. It is not your job to make sure the food gets to a food pantry. You can ask people to bring food home or not to bring as much as they do in the first place.

Enlist them in sweeping and mopping the floor, doing the dishes, tidying up the parlor and living rooms, and helping with the off-hand tasks. Ask someone to take and retrieve the coats from guests.

Let them know you need rest and you will get that rest when people leave by 6:00 p.m. Everyone will try to test boundaries because we are all exceptions, but you need to know what you want beforehand and then communicate it.


This might sound peculiar to you, but the more planning and preparation that you do, the happier you will be. The same goes for your guests. Although these are short-hand notes, remember that you are to deliver these messages in your unique style, which will make you be heard and honored.


Know what you want. Ask for it. Choose well.